Moment

Narayan dass {my mentor}"s secret powers were the most extraordinarily talked about things in benaras.I was doing the sadhna and was promoted to a higher level according to one of his disciples.But i wasn't feeling any Alladin s magic in my life.It was like reciting some phrses in sanskrit in the morning and sitting hours in the Samshan with half naked zombie like

Aghoris in mid night.

Once travelling via boat as by travelling on boat is much easier in Banaras and needless to say much more beautiful than the hu haa traffic mess in the city,i dared to ask him who is he exactly?.As many people see him in different colours and in diffrent wardrobes duty bounded for diffrent priorities.Some say he is a Sadhu,or a pain- in- the -neck perfectionist painter,a poet,a wonderful orater, a socialist,or as i see him as a hardcore hardliner AGHORI.

He smiled to my query and looked up in the sky mysteriously with long pause{which was irrestible for me} he surprise me by singing the most widely sunged lines of Adi shankeracharya

...."NA PUNAYAM NA PAAPAM NA SOKHAM NA DUKHAM CHIDA NAND ROOPAM SHIVOHUM SHIVOHUM"..........."NITYOHUM SUDHOHUM BUDHOHUM SHIVOHUM SHIVOHUM "{Neither the sin nor the pious karma.......not the pain and pleasure..........Iam chidanand SHIVA .........IAM timeless iam pure iam enlightened.....iam SHIVA".

                        This was perhaps the first time i heard him singing it was absoululty spell bounding.And somhow it strikes me in my hesrt,where my soul resides.I desire to be like him,PERFECT-IN-ALL-DIMENSION SUperMAN.

          Iwas burning with curiousity to ask him how he harmonises every segment of his life so effortlessly,just like strings of SITAR BY a great Sitarist..And how he gain powers,to heal a almost dead guy.Again out of bliss he said"I dont do it,its HE{SHIVA},HE is the KARTA PURUSH{THE ULTIMATE DOER},rest are mere details".

"WaH what a celestial Sunset," i ejaculated almost out of our boat in excitement to see the live painting of the ALMIGHTY.The reddish face of all day tired sun,surrounded by yellowish,pinkish aura,with clouds decorated on its head as a CROWN,was a unheared poetry in motion.

"Narayn ji,what is the most important requirement to b a self realised yogi,i mean what should we do,to be one with SHIVA?." I really dont know why i asked him this question ,instead of tantric ways to be rich and healthy.Anyways my subconscious must be curious,still his aura was becoming energetic enough to ignite the yogi in me,i guess.

He laughed again almost like a kindergardener,looked deep in my eyeswith his signature raised and twisted bowlike eyebrows and said "The same effort you need to do see the sunset".WHAT?

                                you mean no effort??i said."Then why people r so crazy of going to caves and meditating thier precious life on,to get the real "truth" of life.Is that all sadhna is useless,all in the name of Spirituality is nothing but decorated conmanship,all what we see in places like benaras is all ,but technically fraud?" i cant believe i said all this negative,distasteful spoil-the-moment thing.

To my surprise he remain like a Rock,uneffected,he didn't even reacted, but with the same methodical enthusiaism,reflected his wise eyes full of compassion."YES u r right my son, no effort, u need no effort to create a sunset, it just happen.But you have to be awake, be aware enough to witness the sunset,this requires sadhna.Be aware, be aware of your body, your mind, your thoughts, your heart beat, listen your heart beat, your blink.You do sadhna, meditation, chanting,there comes a mindless moment, a no -mind zone ,may be for a second or half,thats the starting point of self realization.Self realization, the epitome of Consciouness,the pinnacle of spirituality,the place beyond time and space,the bliss unexplained from centuries,the birthplace of BUDDHA,RAMA,JESUS in the unchecked caves of heart,my son".

            So just be aware, start from this moment,put your hand in Ganga,feel it,just feel it.The water its coldness on your finger.Feel this moment,aliveness of your body.Listen to your inner music, your breath.It says "so"when you inhale,"Hum" when you exhale.In SANSKRIT "SOHUM" means "i am that".

"Every moment is precious,every breath is precious,its a mantra, ajapajaap."

By the time he was speaking, i was absorbing his words, moreover his energy,all lost somewhere,may be closer to dhyan or samadhi,in bliss.I was aware of everything outside,the boat,the people,but can't open my intoxicated eyes,so blissful,so complete,it was."Every moment is SHIVA's moment"he said.Indeed i felt it.

Emma

OM GAN GANPATAYAE NAMAH......

.........that night was the most memorable night of my life,me with Tulsi and her small angel friend Yashoda,we enjoyed the celestial Arathi.We were talking about each other's spiritual aspirations."i missed the Siddhavanah,the tranquility,the atomsphere so unearthly,i missed u Tulsi."i said,by looking in her eyes."she just smiled back."After getting initiated by mahaguru i was tremendously happy and all fired up and thought of becoming a Snyasai, A CELIBATE.i guess that was because of the enegies i was around,all head shaved yogis around me"i added.TULSI:it happens ,its beacuase of the fact we all were yogis from many lives, we all gather there every life,"."But when i came back except for the fact i got healthy body,nothing was exciting.The mantra i was initiated made me feel drowsy and to a extent haevily boring." i said.By this time we were laughing vociferously.Tulsi:it happens,sometimes you feel heavy,drowsy,and many times the worst phases of your life get braodcasted on ur mental theatre,dont worry,just witness everything as amovie and let go."oh i c,but i thought i got some serious thing missing in spiritual practise"i replied.I was telling her all this and she was looking at me with compassion and love unexplained.Her blue eyes,brown hairs,magical touch was making me all crazy with the utter satisfaction of meeting a part of my soul.the moment itself was so poetic,here we are on the banks of ganga,witnessing the whole banaras,dancing on the melodious flutes of Krishna{the god of love},all alone unknown,like lovers.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           For many moments i forgot my "lines".My pointmaking skills failed me in front of her innocent simplicity of expression.But this was ironic too,i was talking about my decisison of becoming a celibate,in the meantime,was getting drowned away by her fully blossomed smile.This was perfect moment for me ,to grab the oppurtunity,to tell her what i feel about her.And golden words of Narayn dass were captivating my modus operandi.I asked her where she is staying and all,she said

"in sriramashram with my group, we are going to kailash next month."In my mind, kailash?,oh i cant afford to leave her,all i want to b e with her,and enter the Siddhasram with her.Kailasha?,whats that?is it a religious place?,i asked.Tulsi:Mount kalilash is the abode of SHIVA,the LORD of the universe.In my mind i was flowing with the desire of being with her ,rset of my life,by hook or by crook."Please take me too,i am new to all this,and as mahaguru said i have rto learn all this as fast as possible"i made a point on this.She smiled ,mischievously,as if she was reading my mind and replied"oh k buddy."That was such a relief,i was moonwalking in my mind.Tulsi:its not easy to go there,its very far away and expensive travel dear and too difficult to earn."hey in case u forgot i am SOLIDER all my life."i ejaculated out of overexcited."Nay  Thats not the way it is buddy,it is something "written in stars" to be there in KAILASH"SHE REPLIED."It takes lot of penace karmically,and most importantly a deep down connection with Shiva,the Amighty,u know from Jesus christ to vashist muni the initator of the mesopatamian religion,even Buddha mediatated there.He is lord of all Siddhas,he is Ultimate           

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     ."Her words were  interesting,but were hurting my ego,and litting a fire in me,to prove that iam worthy enough to visit Kailash, i was planning to gearup my sadhna as fast and as hard as i can,to be with her,i will cross all limits of it to gain her.We visted the nearby  temple ,had tilak and prasad                         

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              She left  along with her young friend,as her bus was waiting, and i was motionless.We exchanged hugs,and she left.I dont know i got this desire to meet Nrayan dass and get to know ,what it takes to be in kailash,what is that sadhna,i want to ,learn that,and i know this that he is the only guy who can fulfill my quest.I immediately mounted a auto , and like a mad man headed towards kinnaram s samadhi.Kinnaram s samadhi was a quite place in daytime, but in night where all are in festive season,the place was overcrowed.I asked for Mr dass but no one was able to get me, hell i need a translator,i tried a lot but wasn't able to find him. i enquired the trust office, but no one know anything about that Aghori.Tired up , i sat down near a meditationg AGHORI, following his gestures almost instinctively,i close my eyes and start praying to Kinnaram himself.I dont know what happened,for few minutes i was somewhere else,felt nothingness around,but was interrupted by the ants around,on my thighs,invited by the prasads.Even in that utter distraction and discomfort, the mantra i was initiated by mahaguru, kept on ringing in my heart.i felt a little vibration,and opened my eyes,Narayan dass was in front of me,blessing a Aghori,few feet away from me.This was so undigestable to see a householder yogi blessing a celibate aghori.I immediately approached him and poured out all my "tulsi"experience.He laughed at me,and taunted me with his hidden comical timing."So young man , as they say in your west, behind every sucessful man, there is a woman, now you can add behind every sucessful yogi , there is a woman."he said.I was like what? please explain?.Narayan:Earlier you came to me , that you cant focus,after your initation,and you find all this spiritual thing "boring",then you met a girl,inafatuated and now you want to do enormous sadhna to  accpmpany her...this is HiS wiLL....

Dillema

Coming back from Siddhvan was painful a bit unacceptable for me.The Varanasii loved few days back was haunting me.In few weeksi realized that it was my fear of getting failed in the test.But words of my GURU always lighten up my mind,he clearly stated "you dont have to hold this world nor you have to run away from it,but stay in it ,Understand it,Experience it then you are going to get out of it like a LOTUS  uNEFFECTED un touched".So i keep on meditating on his words.Many times i skip meditations and feel more greedy and lustful i ever had.I was missing my paradise my home my country (RUSSIA).But words of Avdhoot keep on invigorating me to do more aND MORE HOURS OF HARDCORE SADHNA, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN.And the urgency i feel to go to Siddhasrham was simulataeously pricking me inside.As i was given 6 months time to prove my metal to qualify the most powerful SIDHHASHRAM PRAVESH SADHNA by SHIVratri.So for 6 months i have to ralease out my Past karmas.

After few months i met a Sadhu at Kinnaram s samadhi.He was tall handsome broad with a magic in his eyes and words.Narayan das as he introduced himself to me was a hardcore tantra follower with a great command on Russian.I met him,i felt this guy is the living answer to my prayers.i put my problem of fluctuating mind in front of him.He smiled as if he is going to show his "wisdom teeth"to me. i was all eager and ready,the place was right,and was on my mount of curiousity."What is that is bothering u,its ur mind na   its ur desires na..your lust and greed na...they are all part of u and from u,the truth is u r feeling lonely,u need a partner, i suggest you to get married."he said.All my childish curiousity was evaporated by his simple and boring answer i thought may be he is going to give me something really powerful way of reaching faster in the field of sadhna.My face expression telegraphed him my distaste in his much awaited "suggestion".He again continued with his much wider smile"If you get married you will be at peace ,even if you get a nagging wife you will get to experience the dust in this earthly institution.And if you get alovely wife ,a supporting one your earthly relationship will become heavenly".But the greatest thing is to get rid of the troubling desire of getting married "he added."There are two ways ,only two ways to become spirtually potent. One is VEDIC WAY,THE WAY OF LORD shiva, THE FATHER s way to become a stoic,even to pain and pleasure, the way of BRamcharya to SANYAS.another way is the way of ADYA, the energy , the mother,the way of Tantra.EXPERIENCE everything and Experience the SELF."That night was the hardest nght of my life,i brought some books on tantra and vedas and tried to find out the truth of his words.The marriage thing was not profitable for me at that point of time,economically too.But his words did made up some support in the back of my mind.                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                                                                                                     

         Every evening i got a habit of roaming from one ghat to another and to witness the much famous ganga arati. It was a piece of attraction to all the newcomers.It attarcted me too, i felt so connected by it.Every time the priests move thier lamps and lights,something in me get moved.I get a dejavu of all this.One evening i was sitting on a ghat,all alone, unknown,witnessing the whole Varanasi getting bathed in the celebration of KRISHNAJANAMASTHMI{BIRTHDAY OF LORD KRISHNA , THE GOD OF LOVE}.A small girl dressed in a gorgeous wardrobe came near to me,gaveme a red rose and run away .It was so refreshing, i felt funny by her innocence and mischievousness.To my surprise she continued same process several times with diffrent flowers,intially i thought she is killing her loneliness with me by doing this peek a boo stuff,but there was something else.Then someone closed my eyes from behind,this was not a familiar scene for me in india, i turned back,She was tulsi(emma ).For amoment i was in hell of loneliness and another moment in heaven ,life was so strange.I hugged her out of emotion and she was like all giggling ang cheering like a child.i started looking up at my life with a smile again.